Eggery

I’d like to open an egg restaurant. An eggery, if you will. At first I thought it should just be deviled eggs. Delicious, delectable, demonic treats. Satan’s ovules. I could easily nudge whoopie pies out of popularity and let eggs take their rightful spot on the cupcake-type trend timeline. And never let go! Precious yolk has its sights set on sweets and will take them down. The savory will reign again and bring its finger-licking vengeance upon the sugary! All hail the fruit of thy hen’s ovary: Lord Ova.

Before I get too carried away I should consider the rest of the eggery. There must also be an omelet station and a grilled cheese sandwich with an egg in it. Also I would offer a grilled cheese omelet. The ultimate stoner food.

There would also be items that are shaped like eggs but aren’t necessarily eggs. Not sure what those will be yet. Desserts? Cake in the shape of an egg with an oozing, yellow ganache inside? Yes. Yes indeed.

Now, I am a woman who loves puns but I believe that eggs are goofy enough that I would not be able to name my eggery something like “Local Yolkals” or “Eggcetera” or “Eggcellent Eats” or “Nicole Eggers’ Eggery”* 

*Not actually endorsed by Nicole Eggers. <----- this would be part of the sign. If I were punning. But I’m not, like I said. So there.

It would be funny if Nicole Eggers were vegan but I can’t seem to find any evidence as such. Dave Eggers, however, did co-edit Jonathan Safran Foer’s “Eating Animals,” in which Foer suggests one should not eat the animals. Which you would know unless you’ve been hiding under a side of beef since September 2010. I don’t know if Eggers eats eggs.

Other punny/silly storefront names I won’t use:

She’s got Leggs

Beat It

Don’t Fire Until You See The Whites of Our Eggs

Rivers of Yolk

Big Whimsy (I only mention this because I’m pretty sure on last week’s “Celebrity Apprentice” Gary Busey said this is what he calls his penis and I just have to tell somebody).